4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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