I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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