I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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