i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
