Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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