he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
