it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
