Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
