Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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