Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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