I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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