Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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