I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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