So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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