We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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