she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
