I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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