She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
