Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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