Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
