That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
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He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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