24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
