Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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