She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
