um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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