I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
