Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
