Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
tell me about the fingering
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