you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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