Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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