In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
