Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
