I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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