if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
