just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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