I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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