Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
