she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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