the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
