You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Boobs are out for the taking
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
