then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drunk is not a location!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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