I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
