I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
