It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
