what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
