my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
