i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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