Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Less talking, more tequila
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
