The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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