I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
