So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
