you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I touched a dick in church today
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
