i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
