the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
