Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
