I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
