sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
