My Higher Power is John Stamos
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
