Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I didn't shave. On purpose
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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