Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
