Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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