Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
