I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
